The way you described your experience with your dad,, and how your experience as a child makes it hard now to form male relationships is so familiar to me. I think I've said exactly what you said, word for word. It's good to see a kindred spirit here! Making guy friends is already kind of hard, and as a dad, even more so. I think it's been helpful for me to get in the mode of "connector" and just be the one that goes to a dad's group, sends texts to make plans, and put the onus on me to make the effort. It hasn't yielded all of the fruit yet, but all we can do is make an effort, like you said.
This topic has been on my mind as well, I appreciate the way you detailed this very universal struggle for new-ish dads!
I think you’re so right - with a lot of these bits of emotional baggage we have, we can do all the connecting the dots and working out why we feel the way we do, but once we’ve done that and accepted it, it’s up to us to make the change. I’m so guilty of never being the one to arrange stuff with people and relying on others to do it instead, but I suppose we’ve got to pay it forward sometimes to get it back.
You hit the nail on the head. I have three small boys, which means we go to the park often. I've made "park friends" but that's about it. Most of the dads I meet either have kids older than mine or we don't share similar interests.
I loved the line "it’s more about them than me, and that’s fine". I also came to this conclusion and do my best not to force anything with other dads. I let the know I'm available to hang out and it's up to them.
Loved this. My husband felt the same way. Then he joined, and later became the facilitator for, a local dad’s group that meets on Zoom. Less confrontational, more structured. It’s benefited us both so much as a family. I wish there were one in every town - but maybe with the help of dads like you, there could be.
I'm so glad to hear that your husband found a group like that! I think there's great value in those kind of things, where there's no pretence or second-guessing: you know why each of you are there, so there's no barriers to get over and you can just get down to what's really on everyone's minds. Thanks so much for your comment :)
The way you described your experience with your dad,, and how your experience as a child makes it hard now to form male relationships is so familiar to me. I think I've said exactly what you said, word for word. It's good to see a kindred spirit here! Making guy friends is already kind of hard, and as a dad, even more so. I think it's been helpful for me to get in the mode of "connector" and just be the one that goes to a dad's group, sends texts to make plans, and put the onus on me to make the effort. It hasn't yielded all of the fruit yet, but all we can do is make an effort, like you said.
This topic has been on my mind as well, I appreciate the way you detailed this very universal struggle for new-ish dads!
I think you’re so right - with a lot of these bits of emotional baggage we have, we can do all the connecting the dots and working out why we feel the way we do, but once we’ve done that and accepted it, it’s up to us to make the change. I’m so guilty of never being the one to arrange stuff with people and relying on others to do it instead, but I suppose we’ve got to pay it forward sometimes to get it back.
Thanks for your comment! :)
You hit the nail on the head. I have three small boys, which means we go to the park often. I've made "park friends" but that's about it. Most of the dads I meet either have kids older than mine or we don't share similar interests.
I loved the line "it’s more about them than me, and that’s fine". I also came to this conclusion and do my best not to force anything with other dads. I let the know I'm available to hang out and it's up to them.
Instant sub!
Thanks Cory! 🙏
Loved this. My husband felt the same way. Then he joined, and later became the facilitator for, a local dad’s group that meets on Zoom. Less confrontational, more structured. It’s benefited us both so much as a family. I wish there were one in every town - but maybe with the help of dads like you, there could be.
I'm so glad to hear that your husband found a group like that! I think there's great value in those kind of things, where there's no pretence or second-guessing: you know why each of you are there, so there's no barriers to get over and you can just get down to what's really on everyone's minds. Thanks so much for your comment :)