this is an incredibly different question to answer. I've bit my tongue many times over the years from my son's elementary school teacher telling us that he's annoying (and these characteristics would later be diagnosed as ADHD) to a mom watching her daughter bully mine at sports practice and not do anything about it. Unfortunately, when it comes from the kid, it's often a learned behavior. Stories like the ones that you shared actually make me anxious for my children to even go over to one of their friend's house to visit.
(on an aside- I love your writing style. It's fresh, relatable, and captivates one to keep going. Looking forward to more parenting adventures)
This was an enlightening read, and for the most part, I'm in agreement with you. I have a 6-year-old daughter and there have been times when I've had to discipline other kids, sometimes lightly, other times I blew my top. On one occasion, some older boys were dropping heavy objects and trying to hit my daughter on the head (she was 4 at the time). Something big hit her on the head and I lost it, storming over screaming 'where the hell are your parents? where's your mother? where's your father?' I should add this was in Ukraine, and when I lose my cool, I forget all my language skills, so I was shouting in English, looking around at the parents just sitting there doing nothing, shouting "who is this kid's mother? father? anyone???" and when no one came forward, I gave the kids a bollocking, and though they didn't understand a word I said, I think they got my point.
One thing I cannot stand - when other parents criticise something my daughter says which they interpret as rude, but I am fine with. Maybe I'm way too liberal and a terrible father, but my daughter and I have so much fun together, she brings out the immaturity in me and my language is far from appropriate. So when my daughter says, "that's it daddy, I'm gonna kick your ass!" it's funny because i say that kind of stuff jokingly to her too. But when other parents hear it and try to lecture her, saying 'that's wrong, you can't say that to your father...' oh, my blood boils.
I think this is more nuanced than the questions you ask.
Is it ever okay to discipline someone else's child or is it okay for someone else to discipline mine?
If, by "discipline" you mean (totally understandably) reacting out of your own trigger and shaming another child, then no. It's also not okay to do that to anyone, but our society tends to separate out children and make not-okay behaviour okay to do to them - but whatever. That's another discussion.
If, by "discipline" you mean guidance that informs and and comes from a place of seeing the child and understanding, then yes. And please, any adult who can do this with my children is welcome to step in any time.
Tending to our child first is a useful tool to help us not lose our cool with another child.
This is exactly the nuanced reply I was hoping to make, but you've said it better!
I also think preventive discipline (eg. Teaching them how to play with sticks safely) is more ok than reactive discipline (stepping in after someone has been hit with a stick) when it comes to other people's kids
I don‘t have children and am gladly telling off other parents kids when they are annoying me. Recently they neighbours twins were banging their door like crazy, so I yelled at them to stop & their Dad said afterwards, I had every right to do so.
definitely parent your own child first :)
this is an incredibly different question to answer. I've bit my tongue many times over the years from my son's elementary school teacher telling us that he's annoying (and these characteristics would later be diagnosed as ADHD) to a mom watching her daughter bully mine at sports practice and not do anything about it. Unfortunately, when it comes from the kid, it's often a learned behavior. Stories like the ones that you shared actually make me anxious for my children to even go over to one of their friend's house to visit.
(on an aside- I love your writing style. It's fresh, relatable, and captivates one to keep going. Looking forward to more parenting adventures)
This was an enlightening read, and for the most part, I'm in agreement with you. I have a 6-year-old daughter and there have been times when I've had to discipline other kids, sometimes lightly, other times I blew my top. On one occasion, some older boys were dropping heavy objects and trying to hit my daughter on the head (she was 4 at the time). Something big hit her on the head and I lost it, storming over screaming 'where the hell are your parents? where's your mother? where's your father?' I should add this was in Ukraine, and when I lose my cool, I forget all my language skills, so I was shouting in English, looking around at the parents just sitting there doing nothing, shouting "who is this kid's mother? father? anyone???" and when no one came forward, I gave the kids a bollocking, and though they didn't understand a word I said, I think they got my point.
One thing I cannot stand - when other parents criticise something my daughter says which they interpret as rude, but I am fine with. Maybe I'm way too liberal and a terrible father, but my daughter and I have so much fun together, she brings out the immaturity in me and my language is far from appropriate. So when my daughter says, "that's it daddy, I'm gonna kick your ass!" it's funny because i say that kind of stuff jokingly to her too. But when other parents hear it and try to lecture her, saying 'that's wrong, you can't say that to your father...' oh, my blood boils.
I think this is more nuanced than the questions you ask.
Is it ever okay to discipline someone else's child or is it okay for someone else to discipline mine?
If, by "discipline" you mean (totally understandably) reacting out of your own trigger and shaming another child, then no. It's also not okay to do that to anyone, but our society tends to separate out children and make not-okay behaviour okay to do to them - but whatever. That's another discussion.
If, by "discipline" you mean guidance that informs and and comes from a place of seeing the child and understanding, then yes. And please, any adult who can do this with my children is welcome to step in any time.
Tending to our child first is a useful tool to help us not lose our cool with another child.
My two cents.
This is exactly the nuanced reply I was hoping to make, but you've said it better!
I also think preventive discipline (eg. Teaching them how to play with sticks safely) is more ok than reactive discipline (stepping in after someone has been hit with a stick) when it comes to other people's kids
Yes, probably more effective, and still, there'll be accidents and problems with impulse control.
I don‘t have children and am gladly telling off other parents kids when they are annoying me. Recently they neighbours twins were banging their door like crazy, so I yelled at them to stop & their Dad said afterwards, I had every right to do so.